Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Do I really want to be a substitute teacher??

I've got yet another interview today. This time, it's with the Clark County School District to be a substitute teacher. In my day, subs were simply somebody's mom babysitting for the day, right? Now, there are drug screens, criminal background checks, reference checks, and I'm hoping NOT to have a body cavity search, but I suspect in some schools here in Las Vegas, it may be a possibility. I recently heard of one district in Texas in which teachers are allowed (dare I say encouraged??) to pack heat when they go to school! Eeek.

You all know how I feel about the public schools here in Sin City. Not so great! So, why, pray tell, do I want to WORK there? Cause the pay is reasonably good, the hours are perfect and what other job offers the flexibility of just saying, "Nah, don't feel like working today???"

So, I got up earlier than usual and threw myself into the shower, I'm all coiffed and made up, sitting in my interview clothes and waiting for 10:45 when I'm leaving for my interview. I'm even kinda nervous!! Divine hubby brought up a good point last night - what will I say if asked what school my children go to?

Them: So, do you have children of school age?
Me: Yes.
Them: Which of our marvelous, award-winning, fantastic, incredible public schools is he enrolled in?
Me: Um. Did I say I have a child? Nope. Childless. Kid was either stolen by aliens a year ago, or I sold him to the gypsies, I forget. I CERTAINLY would have him in this marginal, um, I mean amazing public school district if I had a kid, don'tcha think?? Too bad I, uh, don't.

Um, is lying still a sin, or haven't they revised that yet?

I'm banking on the fact that employers are not supposed to ask about children, marriage, etc. If it comes up, I'm gonna hedge. :) But not lie.

I just can't imagine that anyone who has a college degree, hasn't committed (or at least hasn't been convicted of) a felony :) and can pass a drug screen can't be a sub! Especially in the 3rd largest school district in the US! Don't you think they must need 10,000 subs a day? Honestly, I should be able to start work today, I would think.

So, hopefully, after submitting my sample, getting my fingerprints done, donating plasma, giving money to a homeless person, quoting two Shakespearean sonnets, ripping out a few hairs by the roots and dancing naked over hot coals, I will be a substitute teacher. (gulp)

Pray for me.


Vegetable House said...

You are so funny! :)

Miz C (and Burton) said...

Hope the coals aren't too hot...especially if they plan to use them in the cavity search!!!

Bright side: Just think of the experiences you'll have to write about. You'll become a world-famous author (authoress????)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!