So...I've started teaching. (sigh) It is SO MUCH HARDER than I thought it would be!!! Monday was my first day and I will admit to you that when I left, I was in tears. By 7pm, I was hysterically sobbing and drafting my resignation. While I haven't exactly gotten past all of that, I am no longer crying and haven't resigned (so far). I have a calendar that counts the days down. I have ONLY 175 more school days until summer vacation. :)
It's terrifying to teach. Especially middle school. Especially middle school special education. Especially when you don't really know how to do it and aren't sure this is what you should be doing. Especially when you aren't sure how to do approximately 75% of the things you are responsible for doing. (sigh)
What makes it even harder is the fact that a lot of my friends in my Master's program are having a ball and really enjoying the whole teaching experience. I don't exactly hate it, but I am willing to admit that I breathe a big sigh of relief at 2:11 when the final bell rings every day. Especially that bell - 6th period is my WORST class by far. Today, my lovely (and 90-yr-old) aide told me that my worst student was "only bad in my class. He doesn't behave like that AT ALL in the rest of his classes." Thanks, Bertha. That means I stink as a teacher and he's taking advantage of the lousy classroom management skills I am presenting. 'preciate the help.
I will tell you that I do like some of my students. I am teaching English, which is basically writing. I have had them doing some quick writing assignments, and I got a great one from a student named Lamar today. I assigned three sentences and he wrote an entire page about how much he wants to do well this year and how it will make his life better if he can do well in school. I really like this kid!! Then, there's poor Rachel, who, at every possible moment discusses the fact that her dad is in jail and how mean it is that kids pick on other kids. And Bryan. Poor Bryan - I sat him right by my desk and he's so mad about it, he could spit nails! Then there's Jackie who is constantly asking if our class is a "special class." (Um, yep.)
Teaching is an interesting adventure. It's an adventure I am not absolutely certain I will make it through. If I think too long about everything I have to find time for (and figure out how to do) in the next 9 months, I may very well lose my mind, so I'm going to just think about the lesson plans I have to file by Tuesday. Oh, wait. I don't know how to do that either. (deep breathing...)
Maybe I'll just have another glass of wine instead.