Monday, August 4, 2008

I can one-up ya

I was reading some random blogs and ran across one whose topic was seeing spiders and freaking out. Ain't nobody gonna one-up ME when it comes to seeing vermin and the accompanying freak out, my friend!

I lived for two years in a house in Austin, TX affectionately called "The Bug House." Every one of you who has known me since those times (or lived with me in that lovely abode) is smiling and remembering ALL of the stories of ALL of the bugs I lived through. There was the time that I saw a couple of big black ants (with wings, no less) on the kitchen cabinets. White kitchen cabinets that went all the way up to the very dark wood 10-ft ceiling. My very favorite way to kill bugs is to spray them with wasp spray (20-foot spray, so I don't have to get close) until they stop moving, and then put a cup over them to await divine boyfriend's visit. (This is when divine hubby was divine boyfriend, obviously.) When I sprayed wasp spray on these yucky ants, I got some on the ceiling. Apparently, the dark ceiling was hiding the yucky ants' families and friends, as I unleashed an Exorcist-level swarm down my lovely white cabinets and onto my countertop. I slept in my car for a few days.

But, my very favorite (and trust me, I could go on for days) is the very last one. All of my roomies had left town and it was up to me to do the final walk through and clean of the house before the lucky new tenants could move in. I walked into the house and automatically reached for the light switch and turned it on. The lights came on. I was not happy about that, as the electricity was supposed to be off by then, but I realized that if the power was still on, maybe the water was still on too. AND I had to go!

So, I went into the bathroom.

I noticed the lid was down on the toilet, but honestly didn't think much of it at the time.

I raised said lid.

I noticed the water was very dark brown and felt slightly disgusted.

Yes, all of this happened in slow motion...

I raised the lid all the way up and realized that there was something in the toilet with the brown water.

I realized it had eyes and a furry head.

I realized it was standing on the bottom of the toilet bowl and its head and feet (shudder) were above the brown water.

I screamed, dropped the lid, ran out of the house and drove like mad to divine boyfriend's house with a MAJOR case of the heebie-jeebies (no cell phones, ya know)!

Divine boyfriend went with me back to the house (can you believe I went back??) and confirmed that there WAS, in fact, a large mammal in the toilet, but that it was NOT a rat as I had been screaming since he answered the door. It was a possum.

All I can say is that every time I think of this event, I thank God that the possum was dead when I raised that lid. If it had been alive and jumped out at me, I am sure I would STILL be curled up in the fetal position at some insane asylum. Can you IMAGINE?? Makes me shudder just to think about it.

Good times...


S.I.L. said...

That made me laugh and laugh....Thanks.

Vegetable House said...

You win! I never want to one up you in this category. Ever!

Miz C (and Burton) said...

I seem to remember an upside down cup that stayed on the floor for a really long time. Details are sketchy, though. I don't remember if I am remembering a story or a picture or seeing it on a visit.

As for finding a mammal in my toilet...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW and SHUDDERRRRRRRRRRRRR. I might have to give up going to the bathroom forever!!!!!

STQ said...

Cups often stayed depended on whether I had a brave roomie or boyfriend at the time! One of divine hubby's divine-est traits is his willingness to clean up anything icky I may drown in Raid, I mean kill, during the day!!

Momsoon said...

Oh my... I guess that makes the "Number of Crickets Killed" sheet we kept in our dorm room kind of meaningless, huh?