So, about three years ago, I wrote a novel.
Yes, doesn't that sound impressive? Well, I was impressed too, until I tried to get someone (anyone, frankly) to publish said novel.
I wrote roughly 5,643 query letters to literary agents.
I received roughly 5,640 rejection letters. (Some were rude and decided I wasn't worth the stamp, apparently.)
Now, although the letters were ALL rejection letters, they were only rejecting my query letter, as I had yet to have any of said agents actually want to READ my book. It still hurt my little blonde feelings. I mean, how good could my NOVEL be if my QUERY LETTER stunk that badly?? I was depressed.
So, I stopped sending the letters. Seemed like a big fat waste of time, I don't need all that rejection, and I have not sent a query letter for oh, say, a year. Then last week, I started thinking about it again, and how much I don't want to be a substitute teacher forever, but how much I want to still have time to be with Chase when he isn't in school and go on field trips, etc. Really, any other job (including teacher) will keep me from being able to be as involved in his life as I have always been.
I started to think of my options.
1. Win the lottery. Problem with this one is that you have to actually PLAY the lottery, which to me has always seemed a lot like flushing dollar bills down the toilet.
2. I live in Vegas - put it all on black and let it ride! For the problem with this one, see #1. Flush.
3. Knock off my parents and live on the gigantic inheritance I am sure to receive. Problem with this one is that I actually LIKE my parents, and there's that whole pesky murder rap/life in prison thing to contend with. I don't look good in horizontal stripes, so that's out.
4. Hey, dummy, you wrote a perfectly good book and it is just sitting upstairs gathering dust. Why not dust it off and shop it around again? Then, after my multi-million dollar advance and 5-book sequel deal from Doubleday, all my problems would be solved.
So, I googled awhile, found a literary agent that I hadn't bothered before and sent off a hilarious, informative, thoughtful and utterly-delightful query letter. Two days later, I got a response. THEY WANT TO READ MY MANUSCRIPT!!!!!
So, I sent it to them, and they promise a one-week turnaround. They will email me this week and either say "What bank account would you like the million dollar advance deposited in?" or "Thanks, but your manuscript is kaka, we hate you have blocked your email address and think you should not even write shopping lists in the future, you are so untalented." Well, that's how I am going to interpret it, anyway. In truth, even if they love the manuscript, there are several more hurdles to jump before I can consider myself a published author, but this is the first step, and I am excited...and nervous.
So, say a prayer, keep your fingers crossed, knock on wood, rub your lucky rabbit's foot, throw salt over your shoulder or whatever you do for luck and think of me. I'll update you later in the week!