Sunday, January 13, 2013

2013...Feeling introspective


I went to church today...alone...and whaddya know, God wrote me a sermon.  Nice of him to ignore everyone else's problems and just concentrate on little old me!  :)  I've been kinda offended...and disappointed lately.

First, a teacher at my school REALLY chapped my tookus in an email to me this week.  REALLY REALLY chapped me.  So much that I have kinda been obsessing about it, what I should (or should not) say or do in return to TEACH THAT JERK A LESSON.

I am almost positive he was joking.  Initially.  Now that I have escalated it in response to his probably-joking email, he's probably not joking anymore.

But as my tookus has been chapped, I am having trouble letting it go, and I ask myself, self?  Why?  This guy means absolutely nothing to you, his opinion of you has never ever even crossed your mind before, and your paths rarely cross.  Why are you wasting so dadgummed much time worrying about that stupid email?

I know the answer to those questions...
1.  Because he was WRONG.  And he knows it.  I wanted him to know I know it too.
2.  Because he sent it to several of my colleagues as well.  (Nothing chaps my tookus like being maligned to my colleagues)
3.  Well, I guess that's it.

Second, as of yesterday morning, we had 12 people (and maybe 6 kids) coming over to watch the game and to have dinner.  We cooked and cleaned like mad.  By the time dinner came along, the party had dwindled to four, including us.  All day, the phone or text rang with cancellations.  One person didn't even offer an excuse, just, we won't be there.  (An hour before they were supposed to arrive.)

I understand, it happens, I know.  Life happens and sometimes people have to cancel at the last minute.  I have done it myself.  Life is not just about me, much as I would like to think it is.  But, imagine the state of my already-fragile tookus as the day went on.  Yep, chap-city.  We invited some neighbors to come join us, and the six of us had a wonderful time, but that is REALLY not the point.  I was wronged, maligned, slightly embarrassed and inconvenienced, and when I woke up this morning, my tookus was REALLY sore.

So off I went to church.

Where the preacher commenced to tell ME that I ought to really spend some time thinking about WHY I was so dadgummed annoyed, what my triggers are and why I allow them to run my life.  Now, I have many many atrocious qualities, but one of my finer ones is my ability (and willingness) to look at myself and my actions introspectively.  I may do it a tad compulsively, but that's therapy for another day.  I pride myself on being someone who does not get offended easily.  Honestly, you have to really work hard to offend me.  That's my favorite line.  Unfortunately, right now, that does not seem to be really all that true.  I'm offended because of a stupid, probably joking, email from someone I do not care a single thing about, and I'm offended because other people's lives got in the way of my party.  Those are two really stupid things to be offended about.

I think the thing both of these events have in common is my general sense of being right, and others wronging me...wrongfully.  Righteously indignant is how I feel about both of these situations, and I am struggling with the desire to make sure everyone in the situation knows that I AM RIGHT and they are wrong.  That's kinda weird.  Why does it even matter?  I'm not sure, but it really really does matter. Even the writing of this blog is kind of making the point for me - anyone who reads this knows that I, the constant re locator, was wronged.  (Are you gasping in horror??  The pain, the anguish, the...ok, I've made the point.  I'm being ridiculous.)

So anyway.  That's it.  Happy 2013.  I've missed blogging, and I have made a New Year's resolution to write once a week.  Yeah yeah, I know, it's the second week of the new year and I've only written once...Hey, I'm a work in progress, ok?

1 comment:

Vegetable House said...

Dear STQ--
I am so happy that you are blogging again! I love your writing, and I love to know what's going down. I have been in that spot. I might be in that spot right now . . . Here's my top tip: it's quicksand. Questions like "why" get you in deeper. I recommend spreading your limbs and relaxing. Say you're sorry to God and ask for joy. That's what I do, when my tokus is chapped (I mean, that's what I would do, if I weren't obsessing.)