Saturday, March 6, 2010

Maybe I've been out of the South too long but...

...I have discovered that it's possible to be too nice. Yep, I said it. Too. Freakin. Nice. I went to Bank of America the other day to pay our rent because although WE bank at Wells Fargo, our landlord banks at B of A. And B of A apparently has decided that the drivethrough is just not acceptable anymore, so they don't have one. Can you imagine? But, I digress...

So, I waltz in, Wells Fargo check and B of A deposit slip in hand. A Smiling Blonde Woman (SBW) approaches me with a gigantic smile worthy of a Miss America crown.

SBW: Hi, welcome to Bank of America! And what can we do for you today??
Me: Um, I need to make a deposit.
SBW: Oh, is it into your B of A account?
Me: Um, no. I don't bank with B of A, it's my rent.
SBW: Oh. Well, have you thought of banking with us? You could transfe-er it onli-ine (her singsong voice dragging out every possible sylla-ble) .
Me: Nope.
SBW: (No longer smiling, but still blonde) Ok, go see the tellers.
Me: (head bowed slightly in shame) K.

Stand, stand, stand.
(Enter New Smiling Blonde Woman (NSBW) approaching me with a clipboard clutched to her breast)

NSBW: Hello-o, and what can we do for you today?
Me: Um, I need to make a deposit.
NSBW: OH, is it into your B of A account?
Me: Um, I've already been through this once over there (gesturing to SBW who is accosting another victim, I mean greeting another customer) and she passed me through to the tellers.
NSBW: But, don't you HAVE a Bank of America perfect wonderful amazing checking account?
Me: No.
NSBW: Oh. (She is not quite sure what to do with this information)

It's my turn, finally!!! The Teller turns a 100-watt smile on me and says
T: Well, good MORning, and welcome to Bank of AMERica! How can I HELP you?
Me (thinking): For all that is good and holy, please deposit this check so I can get out of this place!!!
Me (saying): (nothing, just pushing the paperwork across the counter)
T: Well, have just the VERY BEST day, Mrs. Wood and PLEASE let us know if we can EVER earn your business here at BANK of AMERica!

I run out as fast as humanly possible.

I know it's good business to be helpful and friendly, but as a SOUTHERNER, for heaven's sake...I beg of you. Stop. Being. So. Nice. To. Me. I may make a sign for my next visit.

Can't they just have one little bitty drivethrough??? :(


Vegetable House said...

That's very sad. Probably a case of brain washing. Or corporate desperation which has been successfully shifted to the lowest paid denominator. It's not really possible to be too nice, you know. But when you try to use niceness to accomplish anything at all, that's a problem! Never mind using niceness to solve a problem like, "we need 3 million new accounts by June 1st".

Anonymous said...

Careful STQ, we own some BofA stock. Their niceties are helping to put our 2 little cherubs through school. But, a bank with no drivethru? That's it. We're selling. - Divine Hubby.

Kristine said...

I got the same thing at a Chase bank down here when I went to withdraw the remainder of my unemployment benefits. You know what shut them up faster than anything? I'm with a credit union. They just can't beat the credit union on so many levels.

Shelly... said...

I despise B of A as much as I despise Walmart...and that's a lot! :~0