It's hard to be a mom

My baby just started MIDDLE SCHOOL TODAY!!

I hardly slept at all last night.
He fell asleep at 8pm and slept like a rock.

I ran around this morning making sure we could get all of his school supplies in one trip.
He informed me that he did NOT need to take them all, I could NOT help him take them in and he would NOT need to call and ask me to bring them to him. (There may have been an eye-roll or two during this conversation, I'm sad to report.)

I made him take a shower this morning, insisted on drying his hair for him, ironed his clothes and fretted over which backpack he should bring.
He kept playing his DS and insisting that he WAS ready for school, he KNEW I loved him and NO, it did not matter which backpack he brought today.

School has been in for nearly 30 minutes and I still haven't eaten a bite.
He ate 2 breakfast tacos (2 eggs, sausage and cheese in each, thankyouverymuch) a banana and a waffle.

Bottom line.

I am worried.
He is not.

I should remember all of the other times I have underestimated him. It's funny. I'm his biggest fan. I know he's brilliant and wonderful and a good friend and will do fine, but when it comes down to it, I guess I really think he needs me to pave the way for him!!! When will I ever learn that he doesn't?? We're at the point where he doesn't actually NEED me around for much. I guess I'm at the point where I hope he WANTS me around...

It's a funny balance, this raising kids thing. On one hand, I want Chase to be fiercely independent. We have raised him to do chores, take care of himself, be able to cook, clean, and generally be independent of us. On the other hand, I want him to depend on me for things. Even though I don't. And he doesn't, really. It's such a hard thing to make sure he is confident, competent and able to take care of himself while I want to keep taking care of him. He's my baby, yet he's almost as tall as I am and regularly beats me at Scrabble!

I guess the fact that he kissed me goodbye in the car before he got out and told me he loved me, all while telling me that he could handle all of this without me says that we're handling the balance ok...

(sniff)