Frustration

I'm frustrated.

I'm frustrated because of things that are out of my control.

And that, in itself, is very frustrating.

My stomach is in knots. I'm grouchy and not nice to be around. I felt like this nearly every single day for 10+ years. I had really hoped never to feel like this ever ever again. I have gone out of my way the past few years to make sure I never have this feeling again. And here it is.

It's partly anger, a lot of disappointment with a smidge of resignation thrown in for good measure. The resignation is from years and years of this same old stuff. Same old stuff. No matter what we do, the result is the same. Nothing we ever do is ever enough. And I really mean ever. I really had hoped that by now things would be different. But, they're not.

Anyway, it's a big sigh. This has been a really good day - I met with a woman who works for a company I am very interested in working for, we had a very nice conversation and I can really see myself getting involved with this organization! Karate was fun, I got to talk to my friends Jay and Danielle, I worked out and we have a good weekend planned.

And, as I always do, I'll shake this off. It will come and go and we will again be branded not good enough and things will go on as usual. But every time this happens, it hurts a little bit more. I'm not asking for engraved thank you notes for everything we've done. Just maybe NOT being called the same old names again and again. When we beat our heads against the wall giving what we're asked to give. Only to turn around and hear "that's not enough" again. Then we increase what we give to meet the requested criteria. "Still not enough." Is what we hear.

I'm just tired of never being enough.

And this blog wasn't even sponsored by ye old glass of red wine!!! :(